Exit Poll

Well, I didn't make the Surfer Poll Awards either. That's because they weren't held in Ship Bottom, NJ. And, as I believe I mentioned in an earlier post, I hate leaving home in September.

However, I did receive the following from one attendee, one Mr. Flip Flop McPinstripe. I can not reveal any more of his identity. But he surfs El Porto, knows more about the WCT than I do, and can't spell when he's drunk.

Here are his Surfer Poll Awards 2008 Notes

It happens once a year: A bunch of incredibly famous stars of the silver screen, lifestyle icons and heroes of popular culture gather on a long red carpet leading to a hall constructed solely for the purpose of celebrating the elite who have managed to snag an invite or, if they're incredibly talented, a nomination. And Surfer Mag holds their awards show every year, too. Last night's annual hooha was just about what you'd expect, if you've been to the Surfer's Poll and Video Awards before. Since I haven't, I didn't know what to expect. Here's what I learned:
-CJ Hobgood gets tenth a lot. He said as much when accepting the tenth place award for the Poll, the awards for which were scattered amongst a bunch of other video-related awards. I'm assuming he wasn't referring to his comp results, since you can't get tenth on tour, right? Just equal ninth? Did I mention I've never been to this thing before?

-Co-Host Sal Masekala is much funnier when he's not on TV. His best moment was probably when he tried to praise Bruce Irons for giving an acceptance speech for Bruce's Surfer's Poll Number Seven award that was actually comprehensible and then gave his impression of a pre-retired Bruce Irons acceptance speech. You kind of had to be there, though. Co-Host Benji Weatherly is funny whether or not he's on TV. His best moment was when he gave Sunny Garcia props for riding really thick boards.

-First legitimately touching moment: Clay Marzo accepting the Video Award for Best Male Performer. As most of surfing now knows, Marzo was recently diagnosed with Asperberg's Syndrome, which manifests itself in Clay by (among other things) making him extremely uncomfortable in crowds of strangers. Nevertheless, the Maui phenom strode to the podium before several thousand cheering fans and gave a brief, humble thank you.

-The evening's entertainment, Mickey Avalon, is a truly offensive musician. And that's not because his music is derivative and his lyrics are shoddy odes to nasty drugs and nastier women. It's because there are piss-poor karaoke performances happening all around the world as you read this that are more watchable than Avalon on stage. Also, dude's straight up uglier than an El Salvadorean stray.

-Old guys do, in fact, rule. The night's only standing ovation went to Bruce Brown, who presented the Video Award for Movie Of The Year. And he presented it to a bunch of other old guys: Shaun Thompson, Rabbit Bartholemew, Ian Cairns, and the rest of the crew behind "Bustin Down The Door." It was their second time on stage, having already won Best Documentary. This led to the night's second legitimately touching moment, when Thompson took time to thank the entire North Shore community. "You changed our lives," he said, which they undoubtedly did.

After nearly killing them.

-Dane Reynolds continues to develop his Forest Gump character. Upon receiving his Video Award for Best Air, he expressed amusement that he'd be given anything for landing something once out of a thousand tries, and then suggested that Pat Gudauskas's air was actually better. And when he received his Surfer's Poll Number Three award, he began his acceptance speech by explaining that there's nothing he dreads more than accepting awards. "I'm glad you guys think I'm rad," he said, and it wasn't immediately obvious he if was being sincere or not. "Number three is a good number."
-Dane Reynolds is going to have to get a little more used to accepting awards. So says Mr. Kelly Slater, who accepted his thirteenth Surfer's Poll Number One award and used the opportunity to let the crowd in on a little secret: "Dane Reynolds is the best surfer in the world right now. He's going to win for the next twenty years." There was probably more to be learned at this event, but you'll have to hear it from someone else, because as soon as Slater was done, I heard that Micky Avalon was coming on for a second set, and I got the hell out of there.

-Flip Flop McPinstripes